


The Death of Edward Hyde

by OddKid42



Series: Old high school fanfics [2]
Category: The Glass Scientists (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M, Sedation, assertion of identity and personhood, brief suicide idealization, conversations about murder/willing acceptance of death, dubious consent involving kissing, haven't read canon in five years so likely not canon compliant, hurt/bare minimal of comfort, loss of consciousness, manipulation using alcohol, posting old fics from high school, probably non-canonical reasoning but it's been years since I've read the comic, shift from third person past tense into present
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:41:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29886774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OddKid42/pseuds/OddKid42
Summary: He was stuck, unable to change. Jekyll hadn’t surfaced after Hyde shoved him out of control four days ago, and Hyde had been finally forced to recognize that he was slowly dying without the ability to sleep or digest food, the body in a constant excited state.And all of the formula was gone.
Relationships: Dr. Henry Jekyll/Jasper Kaylock, Edward Hyde & Henry Jekyll (The Glass Scientists)
Series: Old high school fanfics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2197287
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	The Death of Edward Hyde

**Author's Note:**

> Content warnings in end notes if specific warnings needed  
> I haven't read Glass Scientists in over five years but cared enough then to write an extremely angsty fan fic I never posted, so here you go. The reasoning is likely not canon-compliant, but the angst shall carry itself.

His fist beat into the broken glass over and over again in frustration. Glass had sliced into his fingers during one of the first punches, and now blood had begun to tint the pieces red. Glass embedded itself between his knuckles, but Hyde continued unaffected.  


“Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.” 

He was stuck, unable to change. Jekyll hadn’t surfaced after Hyde shoved him out of control four days ago, and Hyde had been finally forced to recognize that he was slowly dying without the ability to sleep or digest food, the body in a constant excited state. 

And all of the formula was gone. 

A search through all of the highest and lowest shops of London proved the serum to be impossible to recreate. Something involving the purity of the chemicals. Maybe it was the impurity of the original that had created Hyde and would now cause his death. 

“Hyde? Hyde, are you okay?” Wolfie—or Jasper, Hyde supposed he should call him. It wasn’t as fun to create obscure nicknames if Jekyll wasn’t present to be annoyed—was struggling to open the doors to Jekyll’s bedroom and laboratory. 

Hyde paused in his anger and dully watched the blood stream out of his wound and ink along his fingers onto the wooden table. He slowly glanced at a scalpel from an earlier experiment of Jekyll’s that had been set aside until a later date that never came. 

Jekyll had been focused on chemistry, not anatomy. Even the theories of human duality were more focused on philosophy and Freudian psychology. More theoretical as opposed to practical. Maybe that was where they had begun to drift away from recognized science, or at least science that didn’t result in a person disappearing within himself. 

“Henry, you arse,” Hyde whispered and squeezed his eyes to search for any trace of his other half. “Where are you? Leaving me to deal with the consequences isn’t like you.” He couldn’t feel any part of the man in the dark of his mind, and Hyde feared that he had unknowingly smothered him. 

He gritted his teeth and fixed his stare back at the razor’s edge. Early into his existence he had decided to never allow himself to fade away, and starving to death wasn’t how he wanted to leave the world. It would be on his own terms. 

“Hyde!” Jasper screamed angrily and continued banging on the door. “Open the door! Henry?” He sounded desperate, as if he could sense something in the silence. Animalistic instinct, possibly. 

Hyde considered the door and the option that laid behind it. Small chance that it would work, but there weren’t many options left. Henry would kill him for revealing them in this way, but at least he wouldn’t starve to death. Potentially saving Jekyll would also redeem him from all of the other sins in his half-life if Jekyll came clean of his hobby. 

Hyde strode over and pulled the door open for an upset Jasper. The werewolf opened his mouth to complain, but the depraved appearance of Hyde surprised him into silence. 

“Hyde?” he asked as the blonde pulled him into the room and locked the door behind them. “What happened? Where’s Henry?” 

When the room was secure against further interruption, Hyde sighed and walked to the armchair underneath the curved glass. The lost meals and sleep had taken a toll on him, especially since Jekyll didn’t take care of himself normally. The effect was closer to a week without care instead of the four that Hyde had been awake for. Hyde collapsed into the chair with more force than he intended and gave the twenty year old a weary look. He would have preferred if Henry didn’t like werewolves so young, but the socially awkward child was all they had left. 

Jasper had followed after the man. His interest had been perked around the liquid and glasses on the table before noticing Hyde’s bleeding hand staining the furniture. After a moment of staring and glancing up at Hyde’s exhausted expression, he pointed out, “You’re bleeding.” 

“You’re certainly observant, Wolfie.” The thick sarcasm suffocated any further concern Jasper might have had over the injury and caused the boy to frown. Hyde continued regardless, “When you realize something was wrong: when you heard glass breaking or when you didn’t see your boyfriend for four days?” 

“He isn’t,” Jasper began reflexively before stopping himself and gaining an edge in his voice. “Where is Jekyll, Hyde? And why do you look so horrible?” 

Hyde ignored the urge to make a joke about how depraved sociopath was his usual appearance and continued to give the appearance of calm. Somehow, having Jasper’s anxiety in the air counterbalanced his acting, Hyde noted to himself. “I’m dying, Jasper, and Jekyll is dying with me if he isn’t already dead.” 

“That doesn’t-”. Jasper stared at him, uncomprehensive. “I don’t understand.” 

“Jekyll is me, and I am Jekyll. Jekyll invented a serum to switch between the two of us with my self existing at night. But we ran out of formula. Jekyll is too weak to take this body back, and my body is too excited to sleep or absorb nourishment.” 

Jasper looked lost. “I- what are you talking about?” 

“Henry Jekyll never told you what he researched, did he?” At Jasper’s headshake of no, he continued. “Our dear doctor wanted to examine human duality, so he experimented on himself until I arose as his so-called dark side.” 

“And he didn’t tell anyone?” 

“Such as who? You?” Hyde inwardly sighed. Leave it to some love-struck idiot to miss all of the important details. “Stop being thick, Wolfie. I didn’t spend hours listening to Jekyll praise you only to have you fail when it counted.” 

For a moment, Jasper was going to ask if Jekyll really did praise him but stopped. He composed himself and mentally prepared. “What do you need me to do?” 

Hyde hesitated over what other solutions could exist after he was focused on only one. “Either return Jekyll or slow down my sympathetic nervous system.” 

Jasper examined Hyde cautiously. He didn’t want to be too rude. After all, it wasn’t as if Hyde had been horrible enough to warrant the solution, but a darker part of himself wanted Jekyll back at all costs. “I suppose there is no chemical way to kill you then or otherwise clear... your psyche out so Henry’s could rise?” 

Hyde could feel the piercing glaze, searching for any indication of a lie if Hyde said no. The only reaction was a lip twitching in amusement, and the blonde mentally gave the boy some respect. He hadn’t thought that the kid would suggest it as an option, yet the werewolf stood silently in front of him like a hangman, should one be needed. 

“Not that I can recall,” Hyde replied, imaging soft-hearted Jasper trying to kill him. Maybe he wasn’t as optimistic as Hyde had previously thought. Surprising given Jekyll’s usual choice of men. As much as Hyde enjoyed living, his own reckless nature had driven him into a corner without the chance of Jekyll pulling him out of danger or escaping the consequences. 

“However, there are probably notes in his journals about the idea. I never paid any attention to his drabbling, but a few times he had written information to be kept from me in between dull subjects,” Hyde admitted, scrutinizing the desk and, as an extent of it, Jekyll who had hunched over it so often to write. 

Jasper scrutinized him for a moment longer before deciding that he probably wasn’t lying. Even if he was, Jasper had to recognize that although he shifted between wolf and human often, he didn’t know how to shift psyches. Jasper nodded, half weary and half panicked at the task in front of him. Save your mentor/friend/crush, or he will slowly starve to death. 

He turned and called behind him as an explanation, “Virginia Ito is out of the building now. I will grab a sedative from her lab, so at the very minimum we have a temporary solution while I think.” 

Hyde only slid down the arm of the chair to wait comfortably as a reply. 

After a few minutes of creeping through the halls hoping not to run into anyone, Jasper returned to Jekyll’s bedroom and walked in on Hyde tearing into a chicken breast. After watch the ferocity of the man, he muttered, “What are you…?” 

Hyde’s eyes snapped to him before he gulped down the current mouthful of chicken. “Eating.” 

“I see that,” Jasper commented dryly, “but why eat so fast?” 

Another swallow. “Full digestion, digestion when you actually digest the food, works best when you are relaxed, and I am taking this opportunity to stave off starvation unless you have a brilliant idea for that as well.” 

Jasper watched the blonde tear apart more strips of chicken and gulp them down before shaking his head to himself. Why he thought that the risk of death would make Hyde less odd, he didn’t know. He moved to a chair next to the sofa to measure out the estimated dosage into the syringe from the bottle. 

“That the sedative?” Hyde was eyeing the bottle out of the corner of his vision as he feasted, and Jasper could hear the nervousness attempting to be passed off with the return of the fake Cockney accent. 

“One of my creatures broke loose once,” he answered, tipping the bottle upside down to measure effectively. “I’m using a lower dosage, of course, but if it doesn’t work fully, I can always use more.” 

“How unconscious do you want me?” The chicken was receiving less attention now with Hyde sucking bone marrow. 

“At least enough for you to be relaxed. Preferably dozing. I don’t feel lucky enough to push any high estimate.” Jasper could see Hyde studying the needle as he put the cap back on the bottle. “I’m ready whenever you are.” 

“Fine then.” Hyde tossed the chicken to the floor to Jasper’s annoyance, tossed his cloak across another chair, and slid to lie on his back on a fainting chair. He pulled up a shirt sleeve. The shift into dimmed lighting darkened the dirty blonde hair, and a memory of Henry’s hair in the light with him smiling surfaced before Jasper could correct his thoughts. 

“What?” Hyde was frowning at Jasper’s stare. 

“Nothing,” Jasper answered quietly and pulled the chair next to Hyde. While feeling for the vein in the underside of Hyde’s elbow, he admitted, “You made me think of Henry for a moment. I was surprised.” 

Hyde was unsure how to reply to that for a moment. He also was starting to recognize that his life might be significantly shortened as a direct result of his actions. He inwardly groaned at himself but decided to play a good person for a while. “For whatever it was or is worth, he did—does—love you.” 

Jasper winced like he had been slapped but slide the needle into the skin unperturbed. “No, he doesn’t.” 

“Yes, he did, you idiot.” Hyde was wincing at the needle in the crook of his elbow but continued, “You are both too stupid to notice.” 

“What about Rachel? He tried to pair us.” Jasper slowly pushed the plunger. It felt like Hyde was rubbing salt in the wound with this discussion, and he honestly wanted to begin searching for a way to save Jekyll rather listen to Hyde’s hot air. 

“Because, he’s such a self-sacrificing git,” Hyde shifted a hand under his head to fight off the icy cold of the liquid while he talked. “He didn’t want to hurt you. Jesus, he is self-loathing. As if, this situation isn’t clear enough.” After a moment, he added, “He liked you though. Thought you were a good person and had angst over what you would think if you found out about him.” 

Jasper walked off after attaching a bandage rather than answer. 

After nearly dozing off from the drowsy warmth but fighting it on principle, Hyde registered that Jasper was bent over him crying. He frowned but awkwardly patted the wolflet’s hand. When the boy glanced up, Hyde recognized the pain in his eyes and rolled his eyes. He couldn’t believe he was feeling this guilty. He only hoped the sedative would knock him out soon and he could escape this nonsense. “Go ahead, idiot. Same body at least.” 

Hyde let his eyes close and tried to ignore the twenty year old kissing his lips. Such romantic idiocy. 

_He’s kissing me._

It was a whisper, but Hyde could feel a ghost of a presence behind him and the shock radiating from it. 

_Go kiss him back then_ , Hyde replied quietly despite wanting to yell at the fool for disappearing. He sensed that any barb could be enough to slay the other, and Hyde shifted out of the other consciousness’s way, cramming himself into the corners of the mind to make room for the fluttering presence. 

_What if he hates me now?_ , Henry’s psyche was now faintly visible, insecurely holding his sides as they felt Jasper resting his forehead against their chest as he cried. 

Hyde drifted down behind him and gently pushed a hand against the scientist’s back. He hesitated. Even when he was trying to be supportive, it was usually in a roundabout way that ended up hurting Henry, and now wasn’t a good moment to hurt him when he was so fragile. 

Jekyll turned his head slightly. The searching crimson eyes met Hyde’s green, trying to find the trap. 

,i>He doesn’t hate you, Hyde assured him, awkward in gentleness. Promise. 

Jekyll frowned, confused at his counter’s behavior but hesitantly nodded at the oath before rising into the consciousness. 

Jekyll blinked sluggishly and remembered that he had been drugged. Jasper was still silently crying on his chest, only a few seconds having passed. He was in Hyde’s body. 

“Don’t cry, Jasper,” Jekyll was able to manage despite some of the syllables slurred. He lifted a hand to rest on Jasper’s head but had to close his eyes to fight off the urge to sleep. “I’m fine.” 

“Jekyll!” The shocked voice was a bit loud, but Jekyll smiled to show that he was there and opened his red eyes enough to see Jasper break into a shocked happiness above him. 

_Oh good_ , he thought as he lost consciousness. _He isn’t mad at me._

. 

Henry winced and turned away from the lamp light by his head. He didn’t remember going to bed. He realized that the last time he was awake felt so long ago. He tried to push himself upwards and felt weak, causing him to panic momentarily at whatever situation he had gotten himself into. 

“Henry,” Jasper’s voice interrupted him, and hands guided pillows to prop him against the arm of the sofa. Jekyll relaxed and took his time blinking and wiping his eyes to rouse himself, something that was harder than it usually was. 

“How do you feel?” Jasper’s voice gently prodded. “Do you feel weak? Sickly? Thirsty? Hungry?” 

“I- uh,” Jekyll tried to self-analyze and found it difficult beyond a dry mouth and stomach hurting with hunger. He still was having trouble remembering anything recent. Only a strange image of kissing Jasper while 

Hyde radiated a feeling of disgust. He felt too embarrassed to mention that particular dream. “I’m alright.” 

With his eyes adjusted to the lamp light a bit better, he could see that Jasper was sitting on a stool by the love seat. Behind him, all of the doctor’s notes laid scattered across the desk and floor. His mouth opened to shoo Jasper out of the room, but he knew that he would never have the papers out in the open. It was nearly impossible for Jasper to miss. 

Jasper noticed that Henry’s attention was focused behind him, and he partially turned to look at the years of research his mentor had accumulated. 

Throughout reading, Jasper had remembered how Jekyll insisted that his research was boring, and he had never questioned it. As horrible of a situation Jekyll had knowingly plunged into, Jasper was breathless at the intellect of it all, turning pure psychology theories into a biomedical formula. He felt himself as the first to see the academic side of Henry Jekyll that the man had held out of anyone’s sight. 

However, Jekyll looked short of sprinting from the room if not for the weakness in his limbs from malnutrition. “You… read my journals?” 

Jasper studied his hero’s scared expression and nodded. 

“And,” Jekyll continued hesitantly. Years of anxiety of being discovered was now cropping up. He didn’t know what to say or what would happen, and his hands were beginning to shake, “what… are your thoughts on it?” 

Jasper produced a small smile that was slightly askew. “If I had any doubts about your brilliance, they’re gone now.” 

Jekyll absorbed the praise slowly; it diluting through his skin into his mind which tried to decipher the words into the accusatory screams and raised pitchforks that he had always imagined following. It didn’t add up. 

Jekyll smiled apologetically. “I’m… sorry. Could you…?” He stopped himself from asking Jasper to repeat himself. Jasper was still smiling at him softly. He had to look away as shame caused him to start crying. 

“Henry.” 

He covered his face and pulled his knees towards him from underneath the covers. “I apologize. I shouldn’t have been experimenting at that level. I thought I could improve the world, but instead I hurt you and everyone who trusted me. I am not brilliant, Jasper. I am a fraud and a cheat, and if I could stop myself from being like this-”. 

“Henry,” Jasper repeated more forcefully and wrapped his arms around the man’s head to stop him. “You are so brilliant and talented, and I am honestly jealous that you didn’t share this with me.” Jekyll had his face resting against Jasper’s shoulders while he cried. “Yes, you make mistakes, but we’re scientists, Henry! Science is all about mistakes. You produced a separate person in you when you made a mistake, and that is amazing. I only became a werewolf when I made a mistake.” 

He set himself down on the sofa closer to Jekyll and rubbed his hair while the older man calmed down against his shoulder. “How am I supposed to undo creating a person, Jasper?” Henry whispered. “He is going to come back, and I can’t stop him.” 

. 

Hyde watched Jasper cleaning and organizing the office while he rested on the couch. He would have preferred being allowed to move around, but Jasper had practically begged for him to rest the body Jekyll and he shared. Had it been Jekyll, the idea of staying still wouldn't have been considering, but Jasper had no place for Hyde's frustrations beyond loving Jekyll. Even then, Hyde couldn't hate the boy for it considering the risk that came out of doing so. 

So Hyde begrudgingly continued lying on the sofa, too hyper to sleep but without any other distraction, watching Jasper sort papers. 

"He's an ass, just so you know," he commented. 

"How so?" Jasper asked without glancing up. Humoring him. 

"He doesn't see me as a person, just thinks I am his impulses. I have my own purpose in life beyond him.” 

“Do you?” Jasper asked with a glance over his shoulder as he continued searching through years of Jekyll’s journal entries. “It seems as if you ruin more than you help.” 

. 

Hyde watched Jekyll sip wine from the mirror by the entrance and debated whether to approach him. The conversation with Wolfie had gone roughly how Hyde would have expected with Jasper being more hurt over the deception than the implications of the research. He had finally left under the promise of secrecy, but it had been an unsettled peace. 

“You can come over, Hyde.” He didn't sound angry. It was a tone that Hyde had only heard during periods when Jekyll adopted the idea that Hyde was a child. 

Hyde slipped across the mirrors to stand next to where the scientist was sitting. “I'm not apologizing for taking over,” Hyde started defensively. "It's your own fault for disappearing." 

"I know." Jekyll sipped the glass absentmindedly. "I've grown too weak." 

Hyde agreed immediately but was becoming uncertain of where the conversation was going. 

"You should have let me be absorbed." Jekyll stared at Hyde. "You knew that there is an antidote to solidify the split psyche. You could have taken it at any point." 

Hyde scrutinized the doctor in an attempt to figure out why he was mentioning it. “Are you trying to say that, since I didn’t take it, you will?” 

“No.” The doctor was quiet. “However, I am running out of ideas of how this will end. We cannot keep going like this, the two of us.” 

Hyde felt himself growing angry, the colors swirling in the mirror around him while Jekyll watched. “Do you think I will survive without sleep or food? You are going to play the tragic hero out of all of this while condemning me to die?” 

“You will likely be able to live normally without my inhibition.” He was being so calm about this. “It is my fault that you exist in the first place. I am taking responsibility.” 

“Damn your responsibility,” he growled. 

“What do you suggest then?” Jekyll asked with his voice quiet and gentle. “This arrangement is temporary. Sooner or later, you will lose your temper and take over. Even though you hate it, there won’t be any other option. I am letting you know that you have my blessing to live. Even if I don’t. I created this mess.” 

“You created me!” 

“Yes.” 

There was so many things to say. The argument to do more research, not give up out of convenience. Throwing his “blessing” back into his face. The reality that he possessed no skills to maintain the organization or livelihood outside of running around at night to fight. The first thing that Hyde became stuck on was Wolfboy. “What around Jasper? Do you not think he would kill me for taking over?” 

Jekyll winced. “I can... talk to him.” They both knew that conversation would favor as well as a chamber pot in the summer. 

“It would be ironic if Wolfie killed me because of your non-helpful ‘save’. Especially after all the harassment I’ve given him.” 

“He wouldn’t.” 

But there is a hint of doubt, and Hyde seized on it. “You didn’t see him when he asked if there was a formula to end me. He would kill me if he thought it would save you.” 

“Hyde.” Jekyll had finally gotten frustrated, and it inversely calmed Hyde to see him quit the apathy. 

“You want me to accept your blessing? Well, I refuse.” Then to rub the salt into the wound, he added proudly. “I don’t murder people. I am not you.” 

“I do not murder people either!” 

But Hyde had made his own decision, and he was proud of himself significantly to differentiate himself as the better, more rational person. Despite his hesitancy to become erased, despite the temptation to live outside of Jekyll’s shadow, he wanted this victory over Jekyll. 

Jekyll watched the Cheshire grin spread across his face with growing apprehension. 

“I am not taking the serum,” Hyde said simply. “You can’t make me. Either you take it or come up with a better idea.” Then he vanished to cut off any ridiculous argument that Jekyll might have. 

. 

Two days of experimenting and reading away from others, and he didn’t have a better idea. Jasper had become more frequent in the room, claiming to offer assistance to Jekyll. However, Hyde watched him turn over bottles and ask openly curious questions about what each of them did. 

Jekyll seemed too busy to notice, but he was searching for something. Hyde kept the thought to himself and focused on keeping his emotions in check. He didn’t need to indicate to Jekyll that he had been overheard. 

Then Jasper picked up the tinted bottle and read the label, “Akakios”. Jekyll’s eyes lifted at the name in surprise but dropped his glaze to avoid suspicion. “Why is this label in... Greek?” 

“Greek, yes.” Jekyll’s educator rose to confirm, and he pushed it back down again as he tried to think of an answer. “It is more an experimental restorative compound than- uh, something more formally classified.” 

“Restorative.” Jasper repeated. He silently studied Henry’s carefully blank expression and looked back down at the bottle. Jekyll and I both waited for the question that would come. “How do you- would you administer it? Orally?” 

Jekyll blinked in surprise at the question but assumed the true purpose hadn’t been discovered. “The entire bottle orally. Hypothetically, of course. It is for- uh, broken bones and the like, but it is very experimental.” 

Jasper nodded to himself and set the bottle back down, and Jekyll visibly relaxed. When Jekyll was distracted by something else, Jasper slipped the bottle into his pocket. Only Hyde saw, and he accepted the inevitable as for the best. 

. 

For better or for worse, Jasper wastes no time. That night he arrives with a large bottle of vodka and gets Jekyll drunk. 

Hyde is offended for how easy it is for Jasper to spur him into taking drinks by feigning flirtation. Or maybe he is taking time to flirt, but the drinks are presented unspoken as an excuse to get lean up against Henry and eventually begin kissing him. 

In the midst of this snogging, Wolfboy says “Wait!” and presents two glasses, one filled with vodka and one with the darker formula, for a cheers. 

Jekyll sniffs the offered glass of darker liquid and asks what it is, but Jasper dismisses it as the last ounce of homemade rum he brought from home. Before they drink, Jasper casts a glance at the loveseat where I first laid and introduced him to Jekyll’s true research. Then he turns back to Jekyll, and I can see the determination in his eyes. How I was right about what he would do for Henry Jekyll. 

“To your health,” he toasts. It also feels like a defense for later. 

“To our health,” Henry toasts back, and he includes me in it. For all of the anger I could have and how my fears nearly cause me to shove his psyche aside to live, I am glad he was thinking of me in kindness as he drank the formula. 

Henry Jekyll wrinkles his brow at the taste but, ever a gentleman, quickly drains the drink. He sets the glass down and says politely, “Not the best drink I have had, but I...” 

The convulsions start, and I witness the scene as a third party. Jasper gripping his shoulders as Henry clamps a hand over his mouth before throwing it down on the sofa to steady himself. He sees me watching over Jasper’s shoulder and understands what has happened before his vision trails off and he loses consciousness. Jasper supports him with his body weight and moves him somewhere, but the formula and Henry’s unconsciousness are pulling on my attention now. 

It isn’t... immediate. I was hopeful that it would be, but it is more the loss of sensation in my fingers and toes moving inward. I can no longer move them or glance down, but I think of sitting down and find myself in a memory of sitting in the loveseat with no one else around. 

Okay, so I can access memories then. What do I want to remember? Uh. 

I recall my favorite spot of London on top of the building off 12th Street with the gargoyles. The air is chilled, and I can feel my cloak around me as the people and horses cut through the street at night. A child spots me from my perch, and I am thrilled at the awe and fear that crosses his face. 

Then the market gala during the day when the smells of citrus and roasted meats arise overlying dumped chamber pots and garbage. The homeless are sitting in the corner, begging for food, and I would enjoy stealing something to give to them. I am standing in the middle of the lane with people bustling around me, and I am seen and acknowledged in the eyes of these people. 

What else? I don’t exactly want to be alone. Oh, Rachel’s cookies. 

Rachel, plump and feisty at me for taking her warm baked goods, has some critique without any true bite underlying it. Even though I can’t hear what she is saying, I am glad that she is around. She doesn’t take my threats seriously, but she is always impressed when I bring bohemian spices or some such from the market for her. 

See Jekyll? I can carve a life outside of you. 

And then I am in the mirror when Jekyll is out, or Jekyll is in the mirror or shadow when I am out. It is hard to say, but he always looks at me pensively like I am a mistake. The idea unsettles me as it always has, to be born as a mistake. To exist as a mistake. I can understand where Shelley’s monster went wrong when it was first rejected, lashing out and killing Frankenstein’s youngest child brother. What am I supposed to do if not exist? Who was acceptable of love if not me? 

I am getting tired, and I can feel it is difficult to focus on one tread of thought. Don’t people always say that dying is like falling asleep? I suppose fading away is like that too. Where do I want to fall asleep, then, in my memories? 

I have never rested before, so I imagine Cutthroat Lucy next to me in an alleyway and how impressed she would be. Maybe I am bleeding out in this scene from rescuing her or doing something risky. There. I have been shot for stealing the world’s biggest diamond for her. She has tossed it aside as worthless at the sight of me smug smile. She holds my head against her lap and says angrily, “You fool. You damn fool.” but I smile triumphantly because she had never met anyone as brave and reckless as me. 

I close my eyes and focus on the sensation of her petting my hair. The cold cobblestones that I have run down. How dark and beautiful it all is when you see and accept it as complete, not just the shiny parts but the dark as well. Just like the depths of all people. 

I know that it is Henry running his hands through my hair now and holding me on the bed. I didn’t have the energy to carry myself here, so I am glad he did. We started on the laboratory floor with my first breaths, like a woman caught alone and unexpected at an early birth. I can experience a proper death in a bed like a man. 

He wants to say something like an apology, and I want to say something like an insult if he does apologize. Neither of us can think of anything worth saying, so we don’t speak and he continues cupping my face, rubbing his thumb across my cheek, and running his hand through my hair again. 

I am not breathing, but I have never breathed so this isn’t new. It just seems worth noting. 

“You can go now, if you want. I can live on with you as a part of me.” His voice is always so damn gentle. “I am not scared anymore.” 

I don’t bother to open my eyes but struggle to speak for a moment until I can. “Better not... be afraid. I enjoyed existing.” 

And I let myself go.

**Author's Note:**

> CWs: brief consideration of suicide by scapel, acceptance of being sedated for medical purposes, shifts in psyches, loss of consciousness, dismissal of personhood, conversations about accepting their own death, purposely getting someone drunk and tricking them into drinking something, major character death


End file.
